Today used to be your birthday back when you were a person, but now youre a nameless slave. Youre not even just a regular slave, youre a toilet now. Toilets are objects and dont get birthdays. That would just be silly to have a birthday for a toilet! So now, on the day that used to be your birthday, you get a slave day! A slave day is sort of like a birthday, but its filled with presents for me and humiliation for you. Oh, you look so glum. Why dont you go online and buy me some presents to cheer yourself up? The problem is that youre dwelling too much on the past and the way things were. You just need to get used to the way things are now. Hey. I made you a nice chocolate cake for today. I bet you can guess what the chocolate is. Stop looking so sad! You must get something out of this, or you just would have thrown yourself off a building by now. Its better to just live life authentically and you know it! You are a toilet; you were made to be my toilet! Now you get to have your slave day cake, but there is a special ingredient that I want you to add. I want you to make a nice glaze for the top. Go ahead and spouge on your chocolate cake. Ill add the phlegm and spit. Once youve eaten it all you can wash it down with a nice glass of my champagne. You are very pathetic and lame. If you were a person, I would never hang out with you. But you are a pretty great toilet. Happy slave day, my toilet. Heres to many more years together!
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